Prayer, Praise, Scripture, and SANITY Support
Dear Ms. Bottke: This is to thank you for writing Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. I discovered the book on Amazon.com, in a recent desperate search for help when my wife and I were in yet another crises situation with our adult son. While severe and stressful to us, our situation pales in comparison to your personal experience, and the many heartbreaking examples in your book.
Still, with the newfound knowledge obtained from reading your book, the help of a very competent and caring counselor, and the support from each other, we managed our way through. It wasn’t easy; but, as your book informs, it was necessary if we were going to stop stunting our son’s growth as an adult and take our own lives back.
There are many excellent points in your book. For us, two key points led the list. First, we needed to accept responsibility for our own actions by acknowledging the poor parenting decisions we had made, and apologize to our son for that, which we have done. We started with your sample script (p.94) and made it our own in a letter to our son. Second, we need to accept our son for who he is, while stopping our enabling behavior. Again, that is not easy. But, as you point out, our prayer is that in the course of our new journey, our son will find his way as well; and, that we all will live our lives in peace and happiness.
With the help of your book, our counselor, each other, and God – yes there was and continues to be a great deal of prayer – we have stopped our enabling behavior while, thankfully, maintaining a strong, loving relationship with our son. God bless you, L.D.
Thank you, LD for sharing your letter with us!
Has anyone else had a similar experience? As you walk the journey to set healthy boundaries and find SANITY, what are you thankful for on this Thankful Thursday? Please share your thoughts, including praise reports and prayer requests using the comment section below.
I was wondering if there were any support groups in Albuquerque, NM. I have a 15 year old sister who is going through a tough time. She’s the baby of the family with a 23 year old brother. Who happens to be the “adult child”. Its been a year that he’s lived back at home. Its gotten frustrating for her. I have also spoken to Focus on the Family who told me that her feelings are not wrong. We were just looking for some support. We are believers and therefore know what Christ wants, but its hard to aid our parents when they continue to enable him! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Sincerely, Melody
I recently finished reading your book (twice) about Adult children and boundaries. It was a real eye-opening experience for me! Very encouraging and informative. My adult child is my 35 year old daughter who is living in my “rental house” with her 2 children, boyfriend and dog. They moved in 4 years ago when it was her, her husband and 3 kids. They are now divorced and her older son went to live with his biological dad in another state without her permission. Of the 4 years, she has paid me rent for about 2 years, on an on-again off-again basis. My husband and I want to sell the house and let her know this last November. Her plans to move fell through and I think she assumed that I would let her stay longer until she was able to afford to move out. Neither of them has a job and she is about 5 months pregnant. I gave her written notice that she needed to move out in 7 weeks. She is scared and angry with me, also says she is very hurt. This is very hard for me, of course, and I am looking for some support. A SANITY support group would be great! I live in South Bend, IN. Any advice or info about where I can find some help?
Karen:
I’ve been hard at work on revising the SANITY Support study guide and it goes to the printer next week. It will be available online in mid-August.
Can you tell me what happened at your 7-week notice?
Allison