Restoring Relationships

What happens after the boundaries have been set?

You may have read about the turbulent relationship I had with my adult son in my book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents. My son was serving time in prison when the book released in 2008 from Harvest House Publishers. Today, it has sold almost 100,000 copies and parents around the world are finding freedom from the enabling epidemic sweeping our country. My son has also found freedom—from the bondage of poor choices as well as from prison walls. Today, we are walking a new journey—a journey that is unfolding in countless homes as parents begin to set healthy boundaries and adult children begin to accept the consequences of their choices.

I’m talking about the journey of healing—the journey of relationship restoration. The journey that happens after difficult boundaries have been set and the dust has settled (or is trying to settle).

How do we heal the broken places in our relationships with our adult children? How do we deal with the consequences of past choices and make effective new choices to positively change our life? How can we successfully weave new memories into our life when so much of the family fabric has been torn and damaged? How can we advocate on behalf of a loved one and not enable them? These are only a few of the questions we plan to address in the coming months.

Please join Christopher and me as we travel our restoration road with you. We’ll be sharing our individual perspectives from time to time on my blog and in my newsletter, topics such as extending the olive branch of forgiveness, trusting, erasing old tapes, confronting co-dependency, working the plan, facing the consequences, aligning our actions with our words, developing a covenant agreement, and more.

Make sure to sign-up for my newsletter and visit my blog to stay in touch. If you have a minute, please scroll down to view a few photos of Chris and me as we’ve taken our journey together.

Mother and Son

A Short Photo History

1972 – Cleveland, Ohio

1972 – Cleveland, Ohio

1975 – Cleveland, Ohio

1988 – Chino, California

1989 – Huntington Beach, California

1995 – Faribault, Minnesota

2004 – Lakeville, Minnesota

Christopher’s Baptism at Celebration Church

(Pastor Lowell Lundstrom)

2004 – Faribault, Minnesota

Christopher and his son Connor John

2008 – Stillwater, Minnesota

May 18, 2010 – Fort Worth, Texas

A poem that Chris wrote to Allison while incarcerated in Stillwater, MN

To You

By Christopher J. Smith
© 2008

To you Mom, this is true,
there is only one and that one is you.
I’m sorry for the things I did,
I should have listened when you said,
reach for your goals and your dreams and the stars,
and not for money, girls, and fast cars.
But I did not listen, so now I must pay,
sitting behind these walls, made of granite and clay.
Topped with razor wire these walls are quite high,
like a bald eagle, I wish I could fly.
Up and over these walls I would soar,
then start a new life, and that is for sure.
But I can’t fly, though I wish that I could,
so, I’ll do my time, and learn my lesson for good.
So, let’s not ponder, let’s choose to move on,
because life’s too short, and it’s not very long.
And when I come out from inside this place,
I know I will live in God’s redeeming Grace.
I’ll never put you through this hell again,
and I’ll be the best son, you’ll be proud of me then.
So I wrote this poem especially to you, Mom,
and this sure is true,
there is only one, and that one is you.

Check out the original book trailer for the first book in the acclaimed Setting Boundaries series. The piano music by Hyman Stansky is worth taking the time to watch and listen to the short You Tube clip. REMEMBER: The website to find out more information about my Setting Boundaries books and about the SANITY Support Group has changed to:

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