Unlike Al and Tipper Gore, most of us don’t have to issue a public statement about our marital status–or lack thereof.
In my case, I made the decision to keep my unexpected and unwanted divorce private, sharing my pain with a small (albeit mighty) group of friends and prayer warriors. (It’s hard enough to deal with your own emotions during divorce, let alone the emotions of every Tom, Jane or Harry who has an opinion on the situation even if they don’t know you or your circumstances. Divorce horror-stories are right up there with childbirth recollection.)
But I digress. A few weeks ago I went public with my “Big D” status–on live network TV no less.
“They’re doing a segment on re-inventing yourself after 60,” my publicist said to me on a Friday afternoon. “The lead-in addresses the announcement of Al and Tipper Gore, but this segment is going to focus primarily on what it takes to face adversity and re-invent yourself after experiencing devastating life situations in midlife. They think you’d be great to address this and have asked you to be their expert. Are you interested?” They wanted me to appear on the program the following Monday.
After fifteen months, was I ready to go public? My divorce devastated me and I was still dealing with the ramifications of it on many levels. Although I had experienced divorce before, I never expected to be single again, surely not this way. It’s been more like trying to survive rather than re-invent. I didn’t feel like an expert on anything.
There was a time when I was considered somewhat an expert on Internet Marketing and Strategic Planning for authors working in the CBA market (Christian Booksellers Association). And I’ve come to understand that even though I’m not a therapist, my journey of setting boundaries with my adult son has given me a level of authority on boundaries. But wrapping my brain around being an expert on facing adversity, especially concerning divorce, I wasn’t so sure.
And so I prayed…and I accepted the Good Morning Texas invitation.
I’ll be 55 years old on July 9, and I’m doing my best to cope with this mid-life directional change. It isn’t easy. But the challenges I’m facing are drawing me to a new level of dependency on God. I know He is in control and I cling to His Word, especially as written in Jeremiah 29:11.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Are you traveling a new direction in mid-life? Are you making choices that are changing the story of your life? How have you faced adversity and re-invented yourself? I’d love to hear from my boomer sisters and brothers.
No related posts.
6 Responses to “Coping with Divorce in Mid-life”
Leave a Reply
Allison Bottke
Allison Bottke is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur. An innovative, risk-taking, faith-extending woman, Allison believes in being spiritually tenacious! Click here for Allison's story.
Connect to Allison
My heart hurt for you when I heard and I’ve been lifting you up in prayer since. Remember, we don’t have to be “experts” on anything to make a difference. We just need to be willing to be vulnerable and authentic about our experiences and emotions with the purpose of glorifying God through it all and He will use us in the lives of those He has hand-chosen to hear it.
Thank you so much Lisa. When I think of what you have experienced and continue to experience with chronic pain I am inspired. You are such an example of grace and mercy and love, dear friend.
Allison,
You may not remember me. My name is Chuck Alt. We met at a CLASS seminar a few years ago. I am so glad to see your ministry expanding. I am sorry to hear about your divorce – but I can relate. My wife went to be with the Lord over 7 years ago. I remarried too quickly afterwards. It ended in an unwanted and unexpected divorce. It goes against everything I have ever taught from the pulpit or believed in. It was difficult to even agree to.
I will be praying for you. I hope God continues to bless your ministry. God Allows U-Turns is such a powerful truth!
Chuck, hello! Yes, I do remember you! I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles…would like to chat more with you, are you on Facebook? If so, can you contact me there and we can communicate? Blessings and God’s peace.
Allison, when I went through divorce, I was already hosting a weekly women’s show and I thought that I was through. However, all my broadcasters said we want you to continue because your “tent pegs have broadened and you now have a larger target audience”. Wow that is the day we are living in, years ago they would have dropped me! AND I was reading “My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chamber’s, he quoted Augustine “Lord keep me from the lust of needing to vindicate myself” something like that. It pierced my heart and helped me stay focused on “only telling MY story” and not telling “his story” or further wounding the wounded. He is God’s child too. It has served me well and I recommend it. Hard yup, painful at times, yes, but definitely the right choice. Blessings. For all have sinned and come short… and His mercy is great and His grace is enough. Yes I am walking with my friend Jesus… hand in hand each day…and Jesus is enough.
Even though I’m a little late to the game …I’m sorry to hear about your new found situation.